3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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