Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we're so committed to being not committed
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