He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
