she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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