I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
