a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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