we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
