I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
