Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
