oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
