I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He better not be in your backpack
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
