Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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