Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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