somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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