Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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