Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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