lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
