she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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