Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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