How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
