Princesses don't give blow jobs
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
