just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
