i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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