if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
