We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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