I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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