Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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