Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
false alarm. still invincible.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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