Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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