I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
