We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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