Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
