you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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