The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
