Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Alive.
So much puke
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
