Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is Oprah even human
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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