I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
