Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
