He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
