Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
