Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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