Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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