I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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