this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
