i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
