so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
