I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
