I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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