I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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