what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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