I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
