you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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