I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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