If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
