One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
