I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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