I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
