are you so shy because you have an std?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
