did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
