i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
