And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize