Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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