my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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