I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
