So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
